How To Avoid This One Mistake When It Comes To Your Goals

Don’t let self-negotiation get the best of you

Huffing and puffing, mentally exhausted and questioning if my body had anything left to give, all I could think about was when I could finally take a break. I had been running 4 miles STRAIGHT after all…. Wasn’t it time to just, like, rest for a hot minute or two?

After this song. After I run to the next light post. Once I run a quarter mile more. It was after any of these things, whichever came first, that I could take a rest from my run… right? 

Not so fast.

There I was, talking myself out of training for my goal of running a half marathon. I was talking myself out of the goal I set for that day: to run 5 miles without stopping. I wanted to take a break because the run was getting hard HARD. 

Which begged the question, if all I could focus on was how painful running 5 miles was, how on earth was I going to build the endurance to run 13.1? 

Not by taking the easy way out with many breaks, that’s for sure.

The bargaining I was doing with myself, I call this self-negotiation. I was drinking the ultimate goal poison by talking myself into settling for less by doing less. 

Self negotiation can creep in when you’re doing something really hard. Your mind gets uncomfortable and you want to pack it all in for a day parked in front of the TV. Because that goal of yours? Well, you just don’t wanna, now that you know it’s going to be hard. 

But wait! Big stretch goals are usually HARD. Otherwise they wouldn’t be a stretch!

And the outcome of drinking the goal poison (talking yourself out of doing what’s HARD) is simple. You will not meet your goal. 

So how to spot when when you’re self negotiating, and what do you do about it?

1. Awareness. Reflect back on a few types of situations where you tend to self-negotiate (we all do it, think hard if you have to). Does this happen with physical goals? Completing a big project? Make a list of these 3-5 situations. 

2. Recognize and redirect. Recognize in the moment - when you KNOW you are shamelessly trying to strike a deal with yourself. Redirect your thoughts to your goal outcome. Imagine what it will feel like to achieve your goal instead. 

3. Remember. Remember these situations for the future and prepare yourself mentally. How will you combat your self-negotiating tactics? Try imagining the worst case scenario of giving in to self-negotiating. Think of what you will tell yourself instead to redirect your thoughts when you start the bargaining. 

Self-negotiation is the ULTIMATE goal killer. It'll keep you from truly being the best person you can be and achieving your dreams. Bit by bit it chips away at you until you find you've talked yourself out of doing anything at all. 

As a recovering self-negotiator... I KNOW you can recover, too! You are worth so much more than to settle for less.

Holly works with professionals to create services-based businesses using expertise and strengths they already have. Holly is the creator of The Consultant Code, a program will have you up, running, and profitable with your services-based business in 60 days or less! Want to learn more? Drop her a note at: holly@hollyknoll.com